A Fine Line Between a Friend and a Lover
by FreakyFreak17
Summary: Wally has lost hope in trying to get rid of Kuki's new boyfriend and he has no choice but to sit back and suffer through all of it. Sadly, this leads to more dilemmas like him drifting apart from the whole gang and facing the most painful emotions ever.
1. Destiny's Cruelty

_**A Fine Line Between a Friend and a Lover **_

**Chapter 1: Destiny's Cruelty **

I sat quietly in a corner of the room watching my friends as they kept themselves busy on their own interests. Nigel was standing next to the window talking to his girlfriend through his cellphone, Abby was sitting in an armchair reading a beauty magazine, and Hoagie was busy in a nearby table designing aircrafts. As for me, I just sat there desperately trying to avoid looking at the couch. Every time my eyes ended up there, it was just like a knife piercing through my chest. And yet, I couldn't help it. I just had to look. It didn't feel good but…it was unavoidable. For the millionth time that day, I gave in to the temptation and the consequences hurt just as much as they did before. There on the soft, crimson cushions of the stupid couch sat the world's sweetest couple: Kuki and Chad. I stared at them for a long time, with only the dark blonde hair that hung over my eyes scantily minimizing the painful sight. It was sickening. I watched as Kuki leaned on her boyfriend's chest while he responded by putting an arm around her. What made it more sickening was the fact that I knew that no one else felt the way I did. For all I know, a picture of that couple could trigger and "awww" reaction out of anyone. But not me. Never.

Chad was one of the few people that I admired when I was a child. He was smart, athletic, cool…he had everything. I wanted to be just like him. Then again, I was only ten years old back then. I was just a kid, and not a very smart one either. It would only take a couple of years before I realize that my so-called hero was a mistake. When Chad turned thirteen, he became arrogant and mean. He started pushing me and my friends around. "Cruddy teenager" I always used to say about him. He was a big problem to our gang for a while, but in time he learned to back off. I guess he just changed into a better person. From then on, I was fine with him. But it wasn't until six months ago when my loathing for him came back. No, he didn't go back to bullying my and my friends. It's much worse than that.

I remember, it was one summer afternoon and I was at the clubhouse with my friends as usual. The clubhouse is a small place that we built in Nigel's backyard so that we could have a place to hang out at. It's a little childish, I know, but we don't really care. We love what we've made and we hang out there everyday. Anyway, I was there one day when Kuki came in with a big smile on her face. The moment she arrived she ran to Abby right away and started talking to her in a hushed voice. Despite the fact that I watched them as the whispered and giggled, I didn't really care about they were talking about. I figured that they were probably just gossiping again. I was wrong. A week later, I found out that their gossip turned out to be the downfall of my dreams: Kuki started dating Chad. Her announcement literally broke my heart because at that time, I already knew that I had feelings for her.

I reacted to Kuki's news in the same way that I've been doing for the past six years. I let my jealousy get the best of me and started treating her horribly. I criticize her, I scolded her, I even screamed at her. I called her stupid for agreeing to go out with someone three years older than her and not to mention someone who used to bully us friends. Of course, that's not really the reason. I was just jealous. Still, I refused to admit it and carried on with my attitude.

"It's none of your business!" She once screamed at me during a fight. She didn't understand. It _is_ part of my business. Chad's dating the only girl I've ever loved.

I was angry with Kuki for weeks. I hated her for being so stupid. I spent years dropping hints, trying to tell her that I loved her and still it results to this. Deep down inside I knew that it was my fault that she ended up with someone else. But I denied it. I blamed her.

Kuki endured my harsh treatment for weeks. I criticized her more than usual, I criticize her as much as I could. Everybody told me that I was getting too harsh but they didn't know that it's what I wanted. I wanted to feel the pain. I wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt me. I wanted her to suffer as much as I did for the long weeks that passed. I wanted her to know what it was like to lay on my bed every single sleepless night, with my fingers tearing through the covers, as I burned at the though of her with Chad. I wanted her to experience the misery that I felt. I _tried_ to make her feel what I felt. But I couldn't… For every time she ran out of the clubhouse crying because me, I always found myself running after her. I loved her. I could never hurt her no matter how much I wanted to.

It was raining on the very last night that I treated her cruelly. We were alone, standing in the middle of the street and I was holding her in my arms. That was the night I decided to let her go. She belongs to someone else now and there's nothing I can do about it. My chances of being with her only relied on her own choices and I was willing to go with whatever she wants. I knew that the hug I was giving her at that time was nothing more than a friend's embrace to her. It was painful to know that. It was painful to know that she will never know how I feel about her. I was glad that it was raining that night because when she pulled away and smiled at me, she thought that the tears on my face were just rain drops.


	2. Her

_**Her**_

Here I am, six months later watching Chad and Kuki miserably as they snuggled with each other on the couch. I was dreading every single moment of it. My cloudy, half-lit eyes stayed motionless as I witnessed the torturing romance between the woman I loved, and the man I hated. Finally, I moved. I rolled my eyes back and closed them as I tried to erase the image of what I just saw. I leaned back on the corner and rubbed my forehead as I breathed deeply hoping to let all the pain and jealousy out. It didn't work. Nothing ever does…and I knew it. I stood up and walked out of the room, not caring whether anyone noticed or not. When I got outside, I walked to an isolated, hidden spot on the side of the clubhouse where a comfy shade waited for me to rest in it. I sat on the grass, leaned back on the wooden wall of the clubhouse and took out a pack of cigarettes from my pocket. Yes, it's true. I smoke now. Lately, smokes and booze have been my best friends. They help me feel better even just a little bit. After just a few minutes of privacy, another best friend came to cheer me up. It was Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr.

"You alright?" He asked as he took his seat by my side.

"Same as always" I mumbled, "Tired…depressed…wasted…"

"That's not 'same as always', Wally"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If you were the 'same as always', you'd be more energetic and crazy. Or at least sober"

I gave out a small laugh, "I wish I remembered what that feels like"

He didn't say anything.

"…I _am_ sober, aren't I?"

"No dude…you're not sober. You're just not drunk enough"

"How do you know?"

"You smell like booze from a mile away"

I laughed quietly.

"It's not funny Walls. You're a mess. Give yourself a break, will you?"

"A break from what?"

"This. All of this"

"All of what?"

"All this crazy jealous crap"

I still didn't answer.

"Give yourself a break from _her_"

I stared straight ahead with my mouth slightly open only to let the cigarette smoke out. I somehow admired my best friend for being such a smart-ass. He knew everything from building air crafts all the way to his best friend's problems and emotions.

"Hey love birds!" Someone teased from afar. I didn't bother to turn my head to see who it was. The sarcastic sense of humor was too recognizable. Abby settled beside Hoagie and cheerfully asked, "So, what are we talking about?"

I didn't bother to answer. I knew that Hoagie would do it for me. After he turned to her and stared she got it right away.

"Oh Walls…" She transferred herself to my side, "It's alright. Things will work out soon…"

I gave out a small laugh declaring that I disagreed with her. As I took another wisp of my cigarette, I ignored the two loyal friends who were staring at me.

"Don't be so down" Hoagie said, "I mean, there are loads of women out there who are throwing themselves at you. One of them is bound to be a good match for you"

I saw Abby nod in the corner of my eye. Yet again, I laughed sarcastically and saw the smoke puff out from my mouth.

"In case you haven't noticed…"I said, "I'm Wallabee Beatles, the woman-hater. There's only one girl I want and it's _her_. Other women mean nothing to me" Ever since I said those words, there has been nothing but silence between us three for the rest of that afternoon.

Hours later, I was left alone sitting in the same place, staring blankly into space. I haven't moved from that single spot at all. And a third cigarette was locked in between my fingers. Not a single sound rang in my ears except for the haunting howls of the winds. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back as I prayed for the wind to blow away my misery, very much the same way it did to the smoke flowing from my cigarette. Nothing happened. The moment the wind stopped blowing, all the emotions came crashing back into me. I bowed my head as I thought of the last thing I said about Kuki. _There's only one girl I want and it's her. _Why didn't I say her name? Why did I only refer to her as…"her"? When I told Abby and Hoagie that she's the only one I wanted, I tried to sound insensitive as much as I could. I tried to sound like I didn't care. But I did care…I cared a lot. I cared enough to feel like being pierced by a thousand needles every time I thought of her being with someone else. Kuki will never be just a "her" to me. She'll always be Kuki, the only girl I love.


	3. One Foot Apart

_**One Foot Apart**_

"I have to tell you something" I said weakly.

"Not now, Wally. I have to go. I have a date with Chad"

"This is important"

"Tell me later"

"No Kuki, I have to tell you _now_"

"It's too late…"

I watched Kuki desperately as she walked out the door. Next thing I knew I was falling down into an endless abyss with nothing but darkness. As I fell I heard the echoing of her last words. _It's too late._

I gasped as I lifted my head in horror. All of a sudden I was sitting on solid ground and the darkness brightened a bit, forming the image of the night sky. And as for the echoing voice, I realized where it came from.

"It too late" I heard Nigel say from afar, "I better go inside. See you guys" I slowly crawled towards the front side of the clubhouse but stayed hidden in the shadows as I watched Nigel walk away and enter his house. When he came in his house I saw his silhouette in the window flipping on a light switch. It was then that the garden lights decorated around the place gently lit up the dark shadowy backyard. After this I stood and decided to make my way out of the house. But before I could even withdraw from the shadows of my isolated place, I saw Kuki and Chad hugging in the middle of the garden. I stopped before I could reveal myself. I was hiding behind the corner of the clubhouse as I watched the sickeningly sweet couple have their moment in that romantic garden. My heart fumed painfully when I saw Kuki's smiling face. I hated to admit it. Chad was a good guy. He really was. He's no longer that bully that I used to know. He's Mr. Perfect Nice Guy…and Kuki was happy to be his girlfriend. I looked away from the couple and leaned back on the wall. I bowed my head, shut my eyes tightly, breathed heavily and intensely and I tugged on my own hair with my own two hands. I was becoming mad. Hoagie was right, I had to get rid of all this crazy jealousy…because it was literally driving me mad. I pulled on my hair harder and harder forcing the pain to make me forget about her. But the truth was, I was wasting my time torturing myself. Nothing could make me forget. The moment I stop pulling my hair, the memory of her would come back to me. Finally, I gave up. My grip loosened from my hair, my breath slowed down and I opened my eyes. It was then that I realized that I was crying silently. My eyes were filled with tears. Not because of the pain I caused myself but the pain that destiny has bestowed upon me. I was tired of it. I was desperate to get rid of it. All of a sudden, right in the middle of my emotional breakdown, something else caught my attention. It was the noise that broke the silence. I heard rustling of the grass and dried leaves on the ground as it was stepped on. Chad and Kuki were leaving. When I was finally alone with nothing but silence I finally came out from my secluded shadowed place. But my knees were weak from what just happened to me so I had no choice. I once again, leaned back on the clubhouse's wall. This time it was on the front side, right by the door. I rubbed my tired eyes and yawned from the slumber I had earlier. I took out my cigarette pack and lit a stick. I stayed there relaxing and smoking with my eyes closed while I was alone…or so I thought.

"Wally?" I opened my eyes and saw the gently lit form of Kuki. "What are you doing here?" She asked me.

I didn't answer her.

"You've been gone all afternoon"

_Don't you have a boyfriend to attend to?_ I asked her in my mind. But I said a different thing. "Where's Chad?" I asked her blankly.

"He went home"

"Then why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be with him?"

"I didn't feel like going home yet" She smiled, "Where were you?"

"I was having a smoke" I held up the cigarette.

"For the past six hours?"

"…I fell asleep…"

She stared at me for a second but then suddenly laughed. "You're silly, Wally"

I smiled at her blankly and watched as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear.

"Come inside with me" She said.

"What?"

"Nigel won't mind if we stayed" She said as she took my hand and tried to get me to follow her. I didn't move. I just stared at her. "Wally, come on"

"…I'm smoking" I said to her without thinking.

She smiled at me for a minute then took the cigarette from me while I was puffing it. She dropped it on the ground and stepped on it.

"Come on" She laughed and she led me inside the clubhouse by taking my hand.

"Isn't Chad gonna get mad when he finds out about this?" I asked her.

"He won't mind" She told me, "Besides, it's just you and me for now"

_I wish…_

Inside the clubhouse she led me to the couch. But I didn't notice since I was focusing on the soothing warmth of her hand. I wished that I'd never have to let go. So I didn't let go…but she did. We sat on the couch in front of the TV and I soon felt uneasy after remembering that the spot I was sitting on was Chad's place earlier.

"Wow," Kuki sighed, "It's been a while since the two of us hung out"

_More like an eternity…you've been too busy sitting back in Mr. Perfect's Mustang every night while he sucked the lip gloss off your lips…_

Kuki handed me something. It was the controller of Nigel's video game. Without another word from either of us, we started playing, battling against each other in the game. In no time I lost.

"You haven't improved at all!" She teased. I looked down and smiled as I reminisced about all the times I allowed her to win. I've played this game with her a million times and I could've beaten her easily but I never did. I let her win every time, including this one.

"Let's go back out side, it's nicer out there" Kuki said and so we did go outside. We took our seat in front of the clubhouse. As usual, I was leaning against the wall. I took out my pack of cigarettes and lit my last stick. I heard Kuki sigh with disappointment but I didn't let it bother me.

"It's beautiful out here" She said. I looked around. She was right. The place was perfect. Decorative lights lit this beautiful garden causing it too glow gently along with the fireflies flying around, and the cold night wind was a nice touch. It would've been a romantic night for a couple. But Kuki and I weren't one. My attention on the garden was interrupted when Kuki started using her fingers to brush my bangs off, clearing them from my forehead and eyes. I looked at her and she smiled back at me.

_God you're beautiful…_

"What are you staring at?" She laughed gently. I didn't know why but I didn't reply to her. Instead I gently blew the cigarette smoke on her and watched her cough.

"Wally…!" She groaned as she waved her hand in front of her to get rid of the smoke.

"Sorry" I said, still watching her. Even when her face presented a bit of annoyance, she was still beautiful. After coughing she wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed her hands on her shoulders. Seeing this, I put my cigarette down for a second and removed my jacket and placed it on her.

"Thanks" She smiled. I didn't know it but she was watching me as I leaned back and continued to smoke. When I finally noticed, I asked her, "…What?"

"Can I ask you something?" She said.

"Sure…whatever…" I looked away.

She sighed gently then asked, "Are you…alright?"

"Sure I am…why?"

"It's just that you've been so…different lately. You're always smoking, you always appear to be at least a teeny bit drunk, you act too seriously…you're not the same…Tell me what's wrong, Wally"

_Okay, I will. I love you. _I stared at her as I blew smoke out from my mouth. And I continued to stare as I thought of what to say. I wanted to tell her everything right then and there. But when I ended up looking down, I noticed that we were sitting at least one foot apart. And I decided not to tell her anything. Because when I saw how distant we were from each other, I figured that it'll always be that way. That's the closest we'll ever be. Our friendship will always be one foot away from turning into a relationship. So, I didn't tell her anything. I just stood up and walked away.


	4. Memory of a Blissful Night

**_Memory of a Blissful Night_**

When I came home that night I went straight to my room. I didn't eat or anything. I just changed and lay down on my bed right away. I stared at the ceiling for no reason except to allow my mind to think.

_Why do I have to love you?_ I asked Kuki in my mind. _Why do you have to be so beautiful? Why do you have to be so sweet? Why do you have to be so perfect…? _I breathed deeply for a second. _Of all the girls in this world…why you?_

I thought back to six years ago when I first met Kuki.

"Cruddy girly girl…" I often mumbled about her. Kuki was the epitome of what I hated the most. She was too girly. With all the stuffed toys, the girl magazines and the ever so preppy attitude, she annoyed me completely. Just then, something entered my mind. I haven't thought of it for a long time. It was something I realized when I was about thirteen years old.

_I never hated you. I never hated you at all. I just thought I did…because deep down I knew that you're my weakness. You're the downfall of my reputation. I pretended to hate you because I knew that I loved you…_

I rolled over and lay on my side. My eyes roamed around the wall of my bedroom as I searched for a distraction from all these thoughts. My plan backfired. Instead of finding something that was supposed to make me forget my childhood memories of her, I found something that reminded me of my most blissful childhood memory of her. Right away I stood up and reached for the box I saw on top of the shelf. And then I took a deep breath before opening it. When I did, I found what I was expecting. There, hidden inside, was a little withered yellow flower.

It was two years ago when everyone in the gang was just fourteen. Chubbles, Kuki's favorite hamster, just died. For two days she visited his little grave constantly, while hanging on to a little yellow flower that was supposed to be for him. I was worried about her. I didn't give a damn about the little cruddy rodent. I hated hamsters. But I cared about her. And it was sad for me to watch her walking around miserably just because of a stupid pet.

Two more days had passed and Kuki continued to grieve. On the second night, I was awoken by the sound of tiny pebbles hitting my window. When I looked outside, I saw Kuki standing on the front yard. I went downstairs quietly and let her in and after that, we went back up to my room.

"Why did you come here?" I remember asking her that. She replied to me by raising the flower, telling me it was about Chubbles.

"I miss him so much" She said.

"He's just a hamster, Kuki"

"He was my _favorite_ hamster"

There was a short silence between us.

"Wanna know something fun about Chubbles?" She smiled a bit at me.

"What?"

"He reminded me of you"

"Me? Why me?"

"I used to see him walking around the cage all the time, bullying the other hamsters. He was always acting like he was so big and tough but I knew that he's sweet. I see it in him sometimes. You're like that, Wally"

My memory of that moment was vague. All I could remember now was that we smiled at each other. Anyway, she stayed with me that night. She slept right by my side. I was still awake at around 2am because I was watching her sleep. I was admiring her beauty. As I watched her she suddenly wrapped her arms around me during her sleep. Not only that, she leaned on me. I loved that feeling. But that night, what made me the happiest was what she did after she hugged me. I don't know if she was awake or she was dreaming but…as I watched her, she suddenly opened her eyes and smiled at me. And before I knew it she pressed her lips against mine. She kissed me. And she never pulled away. She fell asleep in the middle of that kiss. And soon, I fell asleep with overwhelming happiness. When I woke up that morning, she was gone. And all I found was the tiny lemon-colored flower lying on the spot where she had been. That's the flower that I kept inside the box on top of my shelf. Up to now, that night is still a blissful mystery to me. I don't know if Kuki knew of what she did. I wasn't sure. All I knew was that she never spoke of that night to anyone, not even to me.


	5. Little Brother's Eyes

_**Little Brother's Eyes**_

The next morning I woke up with the box in my arms. I held onto it all night. Having it with me made me feel less miserable. It keeps reminding me that Kuki and I had our first kiss with each other.

After fixing myself up, I went downstairs and saw a nice set of breakfast on the dining table. And my mother was in the kitchen, cooking.

"Good morning, sweetie!" She greeted.

"Morning" I replied, "Where's dad? And Joey?"

"Your father set off to work early today and Joey is still asleep"

"Oh"

"Now, go have breakfast"

"I'm not really hungry…"

"Now, now, Wally! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!"

I didn't bother to argue with my mum. She was a strong woman. So, I just walked over to the table and took a pop tart. After that I settled in the living room and ate. I didn't realize it but my mum was watching me from the kitchen. And next thing I knew she stopped her cooking and sat beside me. When she did she just stared at me. And I stared back.

"What's wrong?" She tapped my knee once.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting different lately. I've noticed. Now, what's wrong?"

" There's nothing wrong, mum…"

"Oh come on, there's no use to hiding it. I can sense it completely. And besides, my son does not drink or smoke unless he has a problem"

"It's just typical teenage hormones mum…" I lied, "The cigarettes and beer are just all part of it"

"Wallabee, don't lie to your mother. I _know_ you have a problem and it's been bothering you for months"

"…It's nothing, mum…"

"Fine, you won't tell me? That's just fine. I'll just use my _mother's intellect_"

My mom wrapped her arms around me and started making sounds noting that she was "studying" me. I have to be honest I didn't feel awkward. Nor did I feel humiliated. At school I was Wally the Australian tough guy and rebel but at home, I was Wallabee, the mama's boy and family guy. When my mom finally let go she stared at me.

"You're missing someone, aren't you?" She said.

I froze for a second, amazed at her _mother's intellect_. I didn't believe that such things existed but she definitely had one.

"Why would you say that…?" I asked her.

"Wally, believe me. You, Joey and your father are all the same, very predictable and it's easy to sense your problems. Or at least, easy for me. I can hug each one of you and list down all your problems in just a blink of an eye" She laughed.

I smiled at her.

"Now," She tapped my knee once again, "Tell me who she is"

"I'd rather not talk about her…"

"Sweetie, I'm your mother. You can tell me anything"

"I know…and I _will_ tell you someday…just not now…"

"Okay then. You can tell me when you're ready" She said, "But I just want you to know that you are a fine young man and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother. And this girl, whoever she is, would be very unlucky to have a loss like you" And with that, she went back to cooking.

I thought about what she said for a minute. Then I realized, she was wrong. If Kuki is the girl, then it's not _her_ loss. It's mine. And it will always be mine...

A few minutes after the talk I had with my mum, a little blonde boy came running down the stairs. "Wally!" He said as he gave me a hug. This guy is my little brother. His name is Joey and he isfive years old. I've always been fond of the little tyke. What can I say? It's brotherly love. He loves me like a big Koala and I love him like a little Wombat. Believe it or not, he has been one of the best at cheering me up for the past few months. And he wasn't even doing it on purpose. After giving me a hug, he greeted my mum and sat on the table to have breakfast. After that we played together, since I had nothing to do for the rest of the day. It was fun. Hanging out with my little brother actually helped me feel joyful despite my "situation".

"Come on, I'll buy you ice cream" I turned my back on him and kneeled, allowing him to climb onto my back. I had fun carrying him on the way to the ice cream shop. He was a typical little brother, annoying in a funny way. As I walked he kept talking about how much girls annoy him. I smiled as I listened. Joey reminded me of myself when I was a kid.

"I want a banana split!" He said ten minutes later at the ice cream shop.

"You little creep" I laughed as I purchased my sundae and his banana split. After that, I took his hand and we searched for a table to sit in. That was when my delightful day turned into a nightmare.

"Wally! Hi!" Kuki greeted as she came up to me.

"Uh…hi…" I replied.

"Hey there, Joey" She kneeled and greeted my little brother. Like I said, my little brother reminded me of myself and we were more similar than I thought. When Kuki greeted him, he blushed and hid behind me. Kuki giggled.

"Come on, you guys" She said, "You can join me and Chad in our table"

I didn't want to but we ended up doing so anyway. I sat across Kuki with Joey by my side, and he was across Chad. As usual, I avoided looking at the couple in order to save myself form a painful emotion of jealousy. But still, I kept looking at them. And my chest tightened whenever I would see Chad's arm around Kuki.

"Are you Kuki's boyfriend?" Joey suddenly asked Chad. He laughed along with Kuki.

"Yeah, I am" He said nicely.

"Why are you her boyfriend?" Joey continued.

"Because we like each other very much" Kuki said to him playfully.

"But shouldn't your boyfriend be Wa-" Joey stopped talking when my hand grabbed his arm. My grip was loose enough to avoid hurting him, but tight enough to get him to stop talking.

"Something wrong, Wally?" Kuki asked me.

"No…" I said. "Eat your food, Joey" I said to my little brother to make him forget about Chad and Kuki. He fell for it. When he started eating, he didn't stop and he didn't ask any more questions. I felt envious of him. I wished it was that easy to get distracted…

That afternoon, I walked home with Joey beside me, and his tiny little hand was holding on to mine.

"Wally?" He called.

"Yeah?" I smiled.

"Why aren't you Kuki's boyfriend?"

My smile disappeared when I heard this. Instead I frowned. I wasn't in the mood for this.

"Waaaallllllyyyy" He called to get my attention.

"What is it, Joey?"

"You didn't answer me! Why aren't you Kuki's boyfriend?"

I sighed, "Because I'm not, Joey…"

"What does that mean?"

"It means Kuki and I are _not _boyfriend and girlfriend"

"But don't you like Kuki?"

"I do…of course I do…"

"And doesn't she like you?"

"Of course she does…I'm her friend…"

"Then why don't you ask her to be your girlfriend?"

"…Because she _loves_ Chad" I said painfully, "But she only _likes_ me…

"How do you know? Did she tell you?"

"No, Joey" I said as I started to get annoyed.

"Then how are you sure?"

"JOEY!" I snapped as I let go of his hand and turned to him. For a second I wanted to scream at him…but I didn't… "Kuki can't be my girlfriend…" I said, "Because she belongs to someone else…"

I stared at my little brother for a while. And as I looked into his eyes, I realized that he had noticed the tears filling my eyes and he heard the breaking of my voice. That moment, he understood how I felt. He walked up to me and took my hand and we continued on our way. After what happened, the short walk home was a quiet one.


	6. Little Boyfriend

_**Little Boyfriend**_

It's hard to believe that I lasted this long. I don't know what I did to deserve this pain but it must've been something very grave. Because as time passed by things became harder for me as the relationship between Kuki and Chad became more serious. They were falling in love and I had no choice but to watch. The kisses, the hugs, the romantic conversations…I painfully witnessed them all. As if that wasn't bad enough, I was still blessed with more burdens. First of all, the more Kuki and Chad's relationship got serious, the more I worried and got jealous, thus, increasing my addiction to smoking and drinking. The only boundaries I had were my friends and my parents. They helped me "stay in control". Another problem was Chad. Lately Chad had been bugging me. He's trying to "establish a friendship" with me. He follows me around, he talks to me and I hated that. And worst, when he's with me, he keeps talking about Kuki. He adores her, but obviously not as much as I do.

"Are you two doing it?" I suddenly asked him one afternoon when I was stuck with him in the clubhouse.

Chad looked at me with extreme curiosity. "What?"

"You and Kuki" I kept a solid blank stare on him, "Are you two doing it?"

"It? You mean…_it?_"

"Yeah" I said blankly. I watched him as he thought of an answer. And I swore to myself that I'd break his neck if he said yes.

"No. We haven't done it yet"

"…_Yet_?" I snapped.

"Oh! No. I didn't say that right. What I meant is it's up to her…I respect her and I won't do anything she disapproves of"

I looked away from him and continued smoking. Somehow his answer didn't satisfy me. I knew that I wanted him to say "no" but part of me wanted him to say something else. I didn't want him to say yes, but I also didn't want him to give me a decent answer. I was hoping his reply would be something that would make him sound like a pig. That way, I can declare that he's the bad guy. But no, his answer is a good one. And he couldn't be more perfect than he already is. I fumed as I admitted to myself that there was nothing wrong about Chad. He can never be a bad guy.

"She talks about you a lot, you know" He suddenly said.

I didn't turn to him. But I clearly heard what he said. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"She really likes you. She's always telling me how loyal and caring you are"

"I'm her friend. I'm supposed to be like that…"

"I also see that you're very protective of her"

I stayed quiet as I listened.

"You wouldn't ask me about my physical relationship with her unless you're trying to make sure I'm respecting her"

"That's because if you don't, I'm gonna break your neck"

He laughed a bit, "Don't worry Wally, I'll take good care of her. She'll be alright"

Chad left. As I sat there all alone, I thought of what he said. I should be glad that he said that. But I wasn't. Because no matter how much he takes care of her, I still won't get her.

More weeks went by and I managed to survive the torturing jealousy. One night, as I hung out with my friends, we all decided to have a _real _party at last. And when I say real, I meant that there was alcohol involved. For the first time, I wasn't the only one drinking as we hung out at the clubhouse. Throughout the night I watched Kuki. She didn't drink much. She obviously doesn't like alcohol. And there was Chad who took a sip from time to time from a can but managed to stay sober. As for Nigel, Abby and Hoagie, they drank but they didn't get drunk. Obviously, I was the drunk of the gang.

"Hey," Hoagie called me, "That's enough, Walls. That's your millionth can"

I only remember laughing after he said this. And I just continued drinking. And without knowing it, I was becoming more and more drunk by the minute.

"There you go" Abby said, "You're drunk"

"We told you to stop drinking" Nigel continued, "but you wouldn't listen and now you're drunk as hell"

I didn't know why but for some reason, I found that funny. And I started laughing. I just kept laughing and laughing and I couldn't stop. I _was_ drunk. As the night went by I pranced around talking about the most senseless things. There was only one thing I did that I found important. I had a vague memory of approaching Kuki. And I've forgotten everything else that happened for the rest of the night.

I was awoken the next morning by a warm wet cloth gently pressing against my forehead. When I opened my eyes, I thought I was dreaming. It was Kuki.

"Good afternoon, sleepyhead" She said softly.

I didn't reply. I couldn't. My head was throbbing. I started moaning and grunting because of the pain.

"Here" She handed me two aspirins, "It'll help the headache"

Without thinking twice, I took the aspirins.

"What happened?" I mumbled.

"You got drunk last night"

"But…why are you here?"

"Chad and I drove you home. I came back this morning to check on you"

I stared at her. _You're too nice, really…stop it…leave me alone…_

There it was again, the tiny voice in my head. It keeps making comments on everything.

I looked around and my eyes led to my side table. There, right by my lamp, was my savior. It was a new pack of cigarettes. Right away, I grabbed it along with my lighter. But as I prepared to light a stick, Kuki took everything from me.

"I can't believe you're gonna smoke while you have a hangover…" She said as she tossed everything aside.

I rolled my eyes back and shut them as I massaged my forehead with my hand.

"Want me to tell you what happened after you got drunk?" She asked playfully.

"…What?" I said ignorantly.

"You lost control of yourself" She giggled, "And you started having mood swings"

I stared at her as I tried to say I wasn't interested. But she continued.

"You just kept laughing and then you start screaming then you start laughing again. It was so cute. Scary, but cute"

_Like I care…_

"And you called Chad an asshole" She laughed.

_I don't need to be drunk just to call him that…_

"And you know what?" She said, "After a while, I was alone on the couch and you sat beside me and hugged me"

I started to listen more attentively.

"And you smiled at me and you said, 'I love you'" She smiled after imitating how I must've said it.

I didn't know what to do or say. I continued to stare at her as my heart started to beat faster. I couldn't breath.

"It was so cute" She said happily.

I finally took a breath. _Oh right…that would be only a friend's "I love you" to you…_

"You know, even though you were drunk, I was still happy to see you laugh, "She told me, "I haven't seen that in a while…"

She stared at me as she smiled sweetly.

_Stop that…stop smiling at me…_

The sight of her beautiful smiling pink lips was torture. I wanted to kiss her…

"Come on" She urged me to get out of bed, "Let's go have lunch"

We went downstairs where the rest of my family was having lunch.

"Well now, if it isn't Mr. Drunkee!" My mom said, "Now Wally, you're banned from alcohol for the next few months. I don't want you coming home unconscious again"

I ignored my own mother as I sat down. There's no point telling me that. I won't be able to survive without alcohol, especially in my situation.

"You know you're lucky that Kuki and her boyfriend were there to help you" Mom said.

I felt a hint of anguish inside. My own mother with her strong _Mother's Intellect_ couldn't possibly say anything worst. I wasn't lucky at all. And if the sweetest couple on earth wanted to help me, they could've just killed me instead.

As I sat there baring with the pain of my hangover combined with my jealousy, it was as if my head was gonna explode along with my chest. But then someone covered my eyes from behind and I knew right away who it was. It was the person who was to help me bear with the pain. As I was blinded, I reached behind and scooped him up and placed him on my lap. Joey laughed and giggled as I did this. Despite the fact that his laughs were loud, it didn't cause me any headache at all. I smiled as I hugged him, resting my head on top of his.

"Ew, you're stinky!" He referred to the smell of alcohol on me.

"Joey, don't scream" I said, "I have a headache"

And he giggled some more.

"Hi Joey" Kuki greeted him from beside me.

It took Joey a minute of staring before he replied, "Hi…"

Seeing this reminded me of a few weeks ago when Joey found out about my pain as we walked home. Apparently, it caused him to feel different towards Kuki.

After lunch I took a shower, leaving Joey and Kuki in the living room. When I came back, I saw Joey through the front door playing in the front yard while Kuki sat alone on the couch.

"Does your brother hate me?" She asked me as I sat down in an armchair.

"What?"

"I think he hates me"

"…Why would you say that?"

"He doesn't talk to me like how he used to… Remember how he used to follow me around your house? Now he stays away from me"

I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my brother was acting almost like me. He was trying to stay away from her. Of course, he succeeded better than I did. He didn't love her that much.

"Maybe he has a reason for acting like that…" I said.

"Maybe" She whispered. Next thing I knew she was calling Joey from the yard. I watched Joey as he stood there for a minute before actually coming in.

"Come here" Kuki beckoned him. Joey approached her and allowed her to take him to sit on her lap. The whole time that he was resting his back on her torso, he was trying to act uninterested by focusing on a tiny action figure on his hand.

"Joey, do you hate me?" Kuki asked charmingly.

Joey slowly nodded.

"Why do you hate me?"

That moment I felt something strange. I wanted him to tell her what I told him before. Maybe that way, I could find an excuse to tell her everything. After all, I was desperate to be rid of all the pain.

"Because you have a boyfriend…" His tiny little voice said.

"I have a boyfriend? Why? Do you hate Chad?"

Joey nodded. _You and me both, little brother, you and me both…_

"Do you want me to get rid of him?"

"Yes…"

"I can't do that"

"Why not?"

"Because we like each other too much"

_Please shut up…I'm begging you…_

"I wish he wasn't your boyfriend…" Joey said.

Kuki looked at me for a minute. And I stared back blankly.

"You know what?" She turned back to him, "Let's fix all this. I won't dump Chad, but you can be my little boyfriend too" She giggled.

It was as if Joey forgot about me. He suddenly smiled at Kuki, telling her he liked the idea. And then he gave her a peck on the cheek and went back to playing.

"You're little brother is just the cutest thing ever" Kuki told me.

She was right. Joey _is _cute, and he's strong. Even stronger than I am. Just like that he was able to tell her everything he felt. That was something I could never do.


	7. Hardest Decision Ever

_**Hardest Decision Ever**_

_How much longer am I supposed to suffer? How much longer am I supposed to wait? _

I thought as I sat on my bed one afternoon. I was surrounded by shadows, with the sunlight from the window being the only light source in my room.

_But wait for what? Death? Or a new girlfriend? None of those would help…nothing can…I'm hopeless…_

I kept my feet firmly on the ground as I tried to avoid my knees from shaking. My elbows rested on my lap as I leaned over so that my hands can reach my head and grip it tightly. I started to sway back and forth as I dealt with the pain devouring me from within. The strength of my hands pulling on my hair wasn't enough to avoid my lips from shaking, or the tears from appearing. I was having another emotional breakdown. It started to occur more often as I continued to endure all this flaming anger. Jealousy wasn't only hurting me emotionally, it hurt me physically as well. I kept experiencing an agonizing pain in my chest almost everyday.

"Wally?" Hoagie said after seeing me when he entered the clubhouse later that afternoon. I ignored him. I continued to pace around the room, breathing heavily as the emotional breakdown continued. Hoagie watched me and saw the bottle of Vodka on my hand.

"Where'd you get that?" He asked me.

"My parents" I said, taking another gulp.

"But didn't they ban you from alcohol for the nextsix months?"

"That's why I had to steal it…" I continued to walk around in circles.

I knew that Hoagie was alarmed when he heard this. That's why he left the room in a hurry and came back later with Nigel.

"Wally, give me the bottle" Nigel told me.

I ignored him and continued storming around.

"Wally, give it to me" He said in a more demanding voice.

I still ignored him. Nigel did something stupid after that. He fought me to take the bottle, and Hoagie helped. Of course I was defeated. I was too weak, and there were two of them.

Two hours later the vodka bottle that used to be in my hand was replaced with a cup of coffee, which I drank. I was lying on the couch waiting for myself to get sober as Nigel, Abby and Hoagie watched me.

"What is this about, Wally?" Nigel asked as he leaned against a wall with his arms folded.

I didn't answer.

"It's about Kuki isn't it?"

I rolled my eyes. I didn't want to talk about her.

"Wally, we're all sorry that you're in this situation but you can't drink just because of this. That won't get you anywhere"

"Whatever…" I said.

"You do know that you could die because of drinking, right?" Abby snapped.

"I don't care…"

"Lament all you want but we're not gonna let you go too far. We're gonna take care of you and we don't care what we have to do to succeed"

"Crud…You guys are acting like my parents"

"Speaking of your parents" Hoagie said, "We're gonna get them to help us take care of you"

I stood up. "No…! Don't tell them what happened" I mumbled despite my headache. I can't let my parents know, especially my mom. It'll break her heart.

"Sorry, Walls. We already called them. They're on their way" Hoagie told me. I buried my face in my hands. What have I done to deserve this?

"Wally, control yourself" Nigel said, "You can't let jealousy ruin you…"

I sat up and thought of what he said. Just then someone opened the door and in came Kuki. "I heard what happened" She said and she sat by my side, "Are you okay?"

I didn't answer. I just looked at her.

_You're ruining my life…_

As I stared at her, my attention led to the open door where I saw Chad in the yard and he was approaching.

_You two are ruining my life…jealousy is all to blame…_

"Wally" Kuki called me. As I gazed at her several thoughts ran through my mind. I couldn't live with her being with Chad. I can't live being her _friend_. It was then that I made the hardest decision ever. It's better to live my life not being her friend at all.


	8. Love and Alcohol

_**Love and Alcohol**_

Six weeks had passed with no communication with my friends. I was all alone. I ignored their calls and hid from their visits because I wanted to be by myself. Not once for the past few weeks have I longed for their company. Not that I didn't care about them, it's just that I wasn't in the mood for them right now. And it may take a while before I feel like having fun with them again. For now, there was only one person I longed for and it was Kuki. It tortured me to know that I could never see her again. I swore to myself that I'd stop seeing her for everyone's own good. I wanted to see her so bad but I couldn't. I shouldn't. My love for her was like my addiction to alcohol. It brought me no good. And although I succeeded in getting over it, I sometimes long for it, still. That's how much I longed for Kuki after I decided to stay away from her completely. I wanted to see her more than anything and yet every time I thought of her, I manage to remember that she was the alcohol that I used to drink. She was a poison to me. No matter how much she makes me feel better, in the end it all comes crashing down into nothing but pain and weakness.

I sat quietly on the beach chair in our backyard as I watched my little brother play in our pool-sized sandbox. I envied him for being so happy. Why couldn't it be that easy? Why can't I just grab a toy and want nothing else? Just then, someone arrived and sat on the other beach chair by my side. It was the only woman left in my life. It was mum.

"Are you okay?" She asked me.

"Of course I am…why are you asking?"

"I was watching you from the kitchen window. You seem to be bothered by something"

"Are you always watching me?"

"That's what a mother does" She smiled, "She watches over her children"

I looked away and smiled.

"Are you ready to tell me about the girl you were talking about a few weeks ago?"

"No mum…it doesn't matter anymore…she's gone"

"Oh Wally…did she find someone else?"

"Yeah, a long time ago"

"Would it help you feel better to talk about her?"

"No. I'll talk about anything, just not her"

"Well, okay" She stood up and walked away, "Oh Wally?" She turned back to me and called.

I sat up and looked at her. She was smiling at me.

"I'm proud of you" She smiled, "I know you're in a lonely situation right now but it takes guts and determination to end a drinking habit despite that"

And she walked away. As I sat back on the chair I thought of a few weeks ago when I was released from the rehab because I was able to quit drinking right away. My mom wasn't the only one proud of me. I was too. Getting over my addiction meant getting over _her_. I didn't need her anymore. No matter how much I long for her, I don't need her anymore.

Joey laughed out loud as I lifted him up and spun him around. We were on our way to the ice cream shop. These last few days I've been spending time with him and I felt nothing but happy.

"Can I get a banana split when we get to the ice cream shop?" He said as he walked with me.

"Sure, buddy"

"With lots of whip cream?"

"Yep"

"And loads of chocolate syrup?"

"As much as you want"

"And many nuts and no cherries?"

"Anything you want"

And we entered the shop. After purchasing our ice cream we sat on a table and just started eating. But just like that, temptation came to give me a challenge. There at the counter stood a bottle of rum. Apparently they had a specialty that was served with a bit of rum in the ice cream itself. I sat up in discomfort, with loads of thoughts running through my mind. I can have it if I want. I mean, it's only ice cream anyway…there's a difference between ice cream and actual rum

I sat there staring at the bottle as I continued to move uneasily. I kept hesitating whether I should by it or not. I was listing reasons in my head about why I should by the ice cream and why I shouldn't.

"Are you okay, Wally?" Joey asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I lied to him. As I stared at my little brother, I found another reason why I shouldn't buy the stupid alcoholic treat. If I taste that rum, I'll become obsessed with alcohol again. And I was with my little brother. What if I went crazy over the taste of rum? He won't be able to do anything about it. He'll be helpless against me. And I might end up hurting him. I finally relaxed in my seat as I watched my little brother. That was it. I fought off temptation. Or so I thought.

After a just few minutes had passed I suddenly encountered another temptation, a stronger one. And it wasn't alcohol. It was Kuki.

The moment she entered the shop I saw her right away and fear struck me right in the chest. I watched her as she ordered some ice cream for herself and settled on a table somewhere in a corner away from us. I sat there quietly, stunned as I thought of a way to leave without her seeing Joey and me. As I thought about it, I realized one thing and it was about the rum earlier. The rum was temptation for me to go back to drinking. I thought that was the only thing about it. But it turns out that it was also a warning that I'd encounter something that would tempt me to go back to Kuki.

And this temptation was strong indeed. I couldn't help just sitting there, motionless. I had to look at her. Slowly I turned my head to see her but I sharply turned it back to Joey when I saw that she was looking at me. She knows I'm there. Knowing this, I told myself that I had to fight this temptation. So I did. I was about to tell Joey to hurry up eating when he beat me at it and spoke up first.

"Hey look, it's Kuki!" He said and he started to wave at her and call her name.

"Joey!" I whispered to him to try and make him stop.

"She saw me!" Joey exclaimed as he continued to wave at her. That moment I gave in to temptation a little bit and turned to her again. When she saw me, she stared for a while before smiling gently and raising a hand to greet me. I looked away from her.

"Joey" I called my little brother, "Finish your ice cream, we're leaving"

"But I haven't even gotten to the banana yet!"

"Then hurry up. We have to go"

"But aren't we going to sit with Kuki"

"No Joey, we can't do that"

Before Joey could argue again, we were interrupted.

"Hey guys"

I moved my eyes to my left where I could see the form of Kuki. My heart started to beat faster.

"Mind if I sit with you?" She asked.

"Okay! You can sit beside me!" Joey said.

When Kuki took her place across me, I kept my eyes straight down. It was intimidating. I could feel her eyes watching me.

"Hi Wally" She said softly, "I haven't seen you in a while…"

I let out nothing but a sigh. And I kept in mind that she was like the alcohol. She'll poison me.

"Are you alright?" She asked me. That moment I felt a strange feeling dwelling up upon me. It was a feeling that I haven't experienced in a while. Slowly, I felt the painful depression rising within. I could almost feel my eyes getting clouded, my skin getting pale and my mouth watering for the taste of beer. I knew this wasn't a good sign. So I decided to escape from this dilemma the best I can.

"I'll leave Joey to you" I stood up, "Bring him back home soon"

And with that, I left them.

On the walk home I tried to recover from the melancholy that was eating me inside. I stopped in the middle of my pace and thought back to a few minutes ago. The sight of her face…it was the strongest temptation so far. That's why avoided looking at it. Her beauty is too alluring and it became harder and harder for me to fight against my desire. My willpower was getting weaker by the minute and I had to get something to help me. I lifted my head and looked around wherein I realized that I was standing in front of a grocery store. And through the glass windows I saw a line of grocery items, part of them was the packs of cigarettes. I haven't smoked for a long time…


	9. Temptation, Addiction, Pain

_**Temptation, Addiction, Pain**_

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling with a cigarette in hand. She was doing it again. She was ruining my life. She was poisoning me. For so long I have not smoked once. For so long, I have not felt this misery. But now all of it had come crashing back and the sight of her face caused it all.

I lay there quietly and motionless. My thoughts and emotions resembled the mood that was set in my room. It was gloomy and silent. Not even the window lit up the place because of the dark cloudy weather outside. Everything looked almost unreal. It was as if time was standing still, like I was in a painting or something. It was as if I was inside a creation of an artist whose talented works were limited to the shades of black, gray and blue. It all felt unreal. The only thing that reminded me of reality was the sound of the ticking clock echoing in my ears.

All of a sudden, my frozen period continued to move. Although everything in the room was still immobile, I realized that time was still progressing when I heard the ringing of the doorbell followed by voices from beyond the walls and floors.

I knew right away what was happening so I stood up and walked towards the door. And gently, I pressed my ear upon it along with my hands. I listened.

"Hi Mrs. Beatles, I came to bring Joey home" And I heard Joey come in.

"Kuki! It's so good to see you dear, it's been so long!"

"It's good to see you too, Mrs. Beatles. Um…is Wally here?"

"He's up in his room. He says he's not feeling well"

"Would you mind if I go upstairs and give him a short visit?"

"Not at all, dear. Go on"

I didn't move away from the door. I stayed and listened to her footsteps as she slowly walked up the stairs. Each squeak that I heard became louder and louder meaning she was getting closer, yet I didn't move as single muscle. Soon she was at my door. She was right in front of me and I could sense her. Then, as if she knew I was there, I heard her lean towards the other side of the door.

"Wally…?" She whispered, "…Please, answer me…"

She waited for an answer but didn't receive one. And my silence caused her to sigh.

"I miss you…" She said through the door. And next thing that I heard was her walking down the stairs.

"Leaving so soon, Kuki?"

"Uh yeah…I think he's asleep"

I knew she was lying. She knew that I was listening.

"Okay dear. Goodbye"

"Bye Mrs. Beatles"

I stepped away from the door and walked towards the window. I leaned on the wall and looked outside and I saw her walking away from our house. Halfway through she stopped and turned around. She was looking up at my window. It was unlikely that she would see me because of the shadows in my room but it was as if she did. She was just standing there and staring and I somehow felt our souls connecting because of that. When it started to rain, she decided to go on. As I watched her disappear into the rain there was only one thing I wanted to say to her. _I miss you too…_

Here I am seven days later sitting in the shadows under a maple tree, smoking my last cigarette stick. I was waiting and I've been here for hours doing nothing. Just smoking, that's all. Finally when I looked down the street I saw Kuki's silhouette walking towards the house a few yards away from me so I stood up and leaned on the tree. I watched her as she came closer and closer until she was no further than a fewyards away from me. She went to the front door of the house and took out a key from her pocket and started to unlock the door. But then something happened that shocked the both of us. She turned to me. I froze at the sight of her eyes towards my direction. She wasn't supposed to see me. Why did she see me? All of a sudden I remembered that I had a lit cigarette in my hand.

"Shit…" I murmured and I tried to hide it as I put it out.

"Who's there?" She asked.

I looked at her and I didn't make a single sound. I knew that she couldn't see mesoI stood there quietly and waited for her to think she was seeing things. Soon enough, she did. I could still see the fear in the way she moved but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she continued to unlock the door and I could stay there ans simply watch. Just then, bad luck struck me and I stepped on a twig and snapped it. She gasped and turned to me again.

"Who's there?" She said in panic.

I didn't answer.

"I know someone's there. Just show yourself"

I knew better than to run away because I knew that she'll recognize me easily. And of course I couldn't stay still for she already knew that I was there. I had no choice. I had to show myself. I slowlystepped into the light and saw the shock on her face at the sight of me.

"Wally?" She said.

I looked down and gave her no reply.

"What are you doing here?"

"Nothing…I was just passing by"

"Then why were you in my front yard?"

"It doesn't matter"

There was a harsh silence between us. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there with my head down, dodging her gaze. But I wasn't able to hold that long, I had to look up at her. And there it was. For the second time this week I saw her looking back at me. I've been watchingher all week but not once had she seen me. Why would she? I was _stalking_ her.

"I'm sorry I scared you" I said.

"It's alright. I'm just glad it's you. I thought it was some maniac"

I kept staring at her and watched her as she moved uneasily.

"Now you're scaring me…"

I looked away, "Sorry…I better leave…"

"Wait" She called me, "Don't you wanna come in or something?"  
I knew that I shouldn't agree to it but before I knew it, I was in her living room sitting on her couch as she served me a drink.

"Sorry," She said as she set down the Coke, "We have no beer"

"That's alright. I don't drink anymore" And I saw the amazement on her face.

"Wow, that's a big change" She sat beside me.

"I know" I tried to smile but I failed.

There was yet another silent moment between us and I didn't like it one bit.

"Wally, why have you been avoiding us?" She asked me suddenly.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my lap as I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. I knew this would happen. Why was I so stubborn? How am I supposed to get out of this now?

"Wally…" She said, "Do me a favor and tell me what's going on with you. Why are you acting like this?"

_I can't tell you…I can't…_

I laced all my fingers, locking my hands together and I rested my chin on them. I kept my eyes straight down. After a few seconds passed by, sheheld mycheeks andturned my head towards hers. I looked into her eyes and they were begging me to tell her everything.

"Tell me…" She said.

"Kuki I..."

I was about to tell her. I was giving in to temptation but that was when it happened. My eyes led from her to a picture frame on the table behind her and I suddenly felt something more intense than anything I have ever felt before. Seeing the picture of Chad on the table caused me to fall apart on that spot. It didn't take long before I recognized that feeling. It was the emotional breakdown that I haven't felt for so long. It was happeningagainand it was the more painful than it had ever been. My chest was tightening, my breath was intensifying and my whole body felt numb as my heart choked andmy soul was burned.

"Wally? Are you alright?" I heard her voice vaguely through the severe pain.

"I have to go" I said through my ground teeth and shaking lips. When she saw my hands clenching on the couch cushions she became worried. She tried to console me by holding me on the cheek but she was startled when I grabbed her wrist before she could even touch me.

"Wally, that hurts…" She struggled a bit from my grip.

I wouldn't let go. I didn't know why but I couldn't.

"Wally, let go...!" She saidin avoice with a hint of fear.

Finally, I did let go. And without saying another word, I ran out the door and went home.


	10. Move On

_**Move On**_

I poked the bowl of ice cream with a spoon as I quietly waited in the ice cream shop. I hated the fact that I was all alone. It makes me think about Kuki. I sat there desperately trying to block her from my mind when all of a sudden, "BOO!" I jumped and turned sharply to the person who startled me. And I found a thirteen-year-old Asian girl standing there with a big smile on her face.

"Did I scare you?" Mushi smiled as she sat across me.

"What are you doing here?" I ignored her question.

"I'm just hanging out. I've got nothing else to do and I'm bored. What about you, what are you doing here?"

"I'm waiting for someone"

"Ooh, a date?"

"No"

She stared at me. "You look weird. You're so pale and stuff. Something wrong?"

"It's none of your business" I sighed. I sat still for a moment as she gazed at me.

"Kuki told me about last night" She grinned.

I stared at her because I was annoyed. There was _nothing_ to smile about.

"What were you doing hiding under our tree at night?" She laughed.

"I was stalking your sister…" What I said made her laugh. Why is it that people never take the truth seriously?

"You are such a weirdo" She giggled. By the way she was acting it was obvious that Kuki didn't tell her the whole story about last night.

For a minute Mushi and I didn't talk. There was no awkwardness or anything, just pure silence. Finally, I looked at her and asked, "Where is she right now?"

"Who? Kuki?" She said, "She's with Chad"

_Just as I thought…_

I looked up at Mushi. She was reading the cardboard brochure on the side of the table. As I watched her I compared her to her sister. They were almost completely the same. Both of them were pretty, preppy and sweet. The only thing different between the two was the fact that Mushi was single.

I watched Hoagie greet Mushi as she was about to leave. After that he sat on the table with me.

"Long time, no see" He said.

"Thanks for still coming" I said.

"Don't mention it. I haven't seen you for weeks anyway. Why were you avoiding us?"

"I had to focus on quitting"

"Quitting what?"

"Drinking"

"Oh. I thought you hated us or something"

"No. I just really had to be alone"

The afternoon went by fast while Hoagie and I talked and tried to catch up on each other. Our conversation didn't feel any different than before. It was as if nothing happened. It was as if we just talked the day before.

"So" Hoagie said as he fed on a sundae, "I saw you talking to Mushi earlier. What was that about?"

I sat silently for a minute. I felt hesitant about telling him what I did. But soon enough, I told him.

"I asked her out…" I said blankly.

I watched him as he choked on his ice cream. "You what?" He gasped.

"I asked Mushi out on a date"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah"

"But she's Kuki's little sister!"  
"So? She's thirteen. That's mature enough"

"Still. She's Kuki's sister"

"Hoagie, you were the one who told me to date other people and stop lamenting over Kuki and Chad"

"Yeah but I didn't think you'd go for Mushi"

"Just leave it alone Hoags. I can ask out who ever I want…"

"Whatever"

Later that afternoon as I walked home, I was thinking whether I did the right thing or not.

_It's gotta be the right thing. I can't just stand around dreading Chad and Kuki's relationship. I had to do something. _This was what I told myself. But I also knew that the reason why I asked Mushi out was because I was hoping it would feel like being with Kuki. After all, they _are_ almost the same.


	11. Perfect

_**Perfect**_

"Oh, this are so nice!" Mushi buried her nose into the bouquet of roses I gave her. We were on our way back to her house after our second date. "Honestly, I never expected you to be the romantic type" She giggled as she held on to my arm. I smiled at her. That's almost the only thing I've been doing all evening. Listening, smiling, and forcing laughs.

"Here we are" She said as we stood in front of her house, "You wanna come in with me?"

"Sure" I said.

After we went in, I settled on the couch while she went to her room for a minute. I just sat there thinking back on the evening. I felt guilty after realizing that I found nothing special about it.

"No way!" I turned towards the stairs and saw Kuki in shock, "_You're_ Mushi's new boyfriend?" She gasped.

I stared at her.

"Are you serious? You're like three years older than her!"

"So…? Chad is three years older than you are…"

"Good point" She laughed, "So why are you dating my sister? Is it because Joey is my little boyfriend and now you think Mushi has to be _your_ little girlfriend?"

I stared at her blankly to hide the fact that it hurt me that this was just a laughing matter to her. She didn't care at all.

"I just thought that I should start dating" I said simply.

"Okay. Well, good luck with my sister" She smiled and she left. I thought about her while I was alone. _What am I doing with Mushi? I should be with Kuki, shouldn't I? I wish Chad would just drop dead…_

Just then, Mushi arrived. "So" She sat beside me, "What do you wanna talk about?"

I stared straight ahead. I didn't care about what we were to talk about. I didn't care at all.

"Wally? You okay?" She asked me. I turned to her to answer but no words came out of my mouth. It was because my eyes led to the picture of Chad behind her. And once again, I felt that intense jealousy rising inside me.

"Wally?" Mushi called. I didn't know why but next thing I knew, I had leaned towards her and kissed her. She took it by surprise but she didn't push me away at all. When I finally let go, I stared at her with wide eyes. I was shocked with what I just did.

"Wow" She took a breath, "That was amazing"

I turned back straight ahead and breathed heavily. I just kissed Mushi to avoid my jealousy.

More than a week had gone by and Mushi and I had lasted that long. I was completely wrong about her. She wasn't like Kuki as much as I thought. She was a lot more preppy and giggly and unlike Kuki she was never sincere. Everything was a laughing matter to her.

I started to regret asking her out. In fact, I've regretted asking her out from the very first day we got together. I thought being with her would feel like being with Kuki but no. It was impossible. There was only one Kuki and I can't have her. That was what kept me holding on to Mushi. Ever since I met up with Hoagie at the ice cream shop I started seeing my friends again, thus, I was left to endure pain once again. And every single time I saw Kuki and Chad together in the clubhouse, I'd be with Mushi later that same day. I was running away from my problem using Mushi. Kissing her reminded me that I had a new girlfriend, meaning I have to move on. I have to forget about Kuki because I have Mushi now.

"Tell us the truth, Wally" Nigel asked me one afternoon as I hung out with him, Abby and Hoagie in the clubhouse.

"What truth?"  
"Why are you dating Mushi? Seriously?"

"Because I like her" I snapped.

"Your tone doesn't really back that up" Abby said.

"Look, Hoagie told me that I should start dating so I did"

"But why Mushi?" Nigel said.

"Because she was the first girl I talked to when I decided to start dating. That's all"

"Do you think it's possible that you're dating Mushi because you want to make Kuki jealous?"

I sat quietly for a minute while I avoided my friends' stares. "Why would I do that…? She doesn't give a damn about who I'm dating. She only cares about Chad…"

It was true. She didn't care. And I won't deny the fact that I wanted her to be jealous of Mushi and me. Unfortunately, nothing was happening. She wasn't jealous at all. In fact, she seemed happy to see me dating Mushi. She really didn't give a damn about me.

Later that afternoon, my thoughts had been bothering me so much that I decided to escape from them again. So, I came over to Mushi's house.

"Hi!" She exclaimed after she opened the door, "What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting" I told her and I faked a smile.

I watched her blush and giggle before she let me in. And inside her house I found three other girls of her age sitting in the living room. They were all giggling when they saw me.

"You want me to get you anything from the kitchen?" Mushi asked me.

"It's alright. I'll go get it myself" I made my way to the kitchen, ignoring the pre-teens who watched me. While I was in there drinking Coke I listened to their conversation.

"Mushi, he is so cute"

"I can't believe you're dating a high school guy, you're so lucky!"

"Yeah, I'm so jealous of you!"

I knew that I should be flattered to hear all that but I wasn't. I didn't care at all.

"Hey Wally" I turned around and saw Kuki searching for a drink in the fridge. "It's not nice to eavesdrop, you know" She said.

"I wasn't eavesdropping"

"Yes you were" She grinned at me, "So…like what you're hearing so far?"

"Not really…"

"Why not? Everyone in there is drooling over you. You made my sister a star in her school" She laughed.

"That's not really what I was hoping to get out of this relationship"

"Oh, you think she's using you? No way! She likes you Wally. She really does"

_What about you, do you like me?_

"I have to go" She said, "Chad's waiting for me upstairs"

I squeezed the soda can that I was holding as I watched her leave.

_Go ahead and abandon me for your perfect boyfriend…_

Why did Chad have to be so perfect? That's what made him a good match for Kuki. They were both perfect. And here I am, a not so perfect guy, stuck with a junior high student. The thought of all this made me throw the soda can angrily at the trashcan.

_Damn this jealousy!_

I started rubbing my face as I tried to prevent the emotional breakdown from coming. And in perfect timing, Mushi came hopping into the room and she tried to give me a peck on the lips. But before she could even pull away, I held her tight and kept her close to me. I was kissing her again to forget about Kuki.

"Wow!" She gasped when I let go of her, "I love it when you do that!"

I gazed at her as I breathed heavily.

"Come on" She took my hand, "My friends are gone. We can hang out in the living room"

We sat on the couch quietly for a few minutes. I was thinking about the kiss that I have her. What I was doing was wrong. I was _using_ her.

"Are you okay?" Mushi asked me after seeing the worry on my face.

I looked at her and felt a heavy amount of guilt on my shoulders. She was a sweet girl and she didn't deserve to be used. I had to stop myself before things get too far. Besides, no matter how long I stay in this relationship with her, it won't do me any good. Kuki is the one that I lvoe and there was nothing that I can do about it.

"Mushi," I said as I faced her, "What's your definition of perfect…?"

She looked at me curiously, "Um…I guess it's something with no defects or something"

"No…I meant what's your definition of a perfect guy?" A mischievous smile spread upon her face when I asked her this.

"Well" She grinned at me, "I guess he'd have to be cute, smart, nice, and funny and stuff"

"If you found that a guy like that existed, would you choose him over me…?"

"No…of course not?"  
"Why not…?"

"Wally what is this about?"

"I just wanted to know if I ever had a chance to compete with perfect…"

I sat there quietly with her staring at me. All of a sudden she said something that caught me off guard.

"There's someone else that you like, is there?"

"What…?" I gulped.

"Don't worry, Wally. I understand"

"But…how did you…?"

"Wally, you and I have been dating for more than a week and despite the kisses we never had a connection, not once. Besides, you wouldn't as a girl out unless you were trying to run away from something else"

I stared at her for I was amazed at her cleverness. She just smiled back at me.

"I guess that's it" She hugged me before standing up, "I guess we're over"

I watched her as she walked towards the stairs.

"By the way Wally" She turned to me, "Don't worry too much. You definitely have a chance to win, even when you're competing with someone 'perfect'"


	12. Friends

_**Friends**_

I sat quietly on the couch leaning forwards with a cigarette in hand. Nigel was beside me, quietly watching me.

"So that's it? You two are over?" He asked me.

"Yeah…" I said as I blew the smoke out from my mouth.

"Why'd you break up with her?"

"I didn't break up with her. We both broke up with each other"

"Okay…why'd you do it anyway?"

"It just didn't work out…"

"How are you taking it?"

"Just fine…it's not like it was a real relationship anyway. It was as if we didn't even have a thing with each other. We just kissed and stuff…"

Another moment of silence had passed until Nigel spoke again.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Wally?" He asked me.

I felt annoyed. Nigel was always messing with my business. "Could you for once stay out of my life?" I said to him irritably.

"I'm just looking out for you. I'm one of your best friends"

"Yeah well you sounded gay when you said that"

I meant to insult him but he laughed instead. "Wow, you still have a sense of humor" He said. I didn't reply. There was no way to get rid of this guy.

"Why are you always butting in on my problems anyway?" I questioned him.

"It's called helping and it's what a friend does"

"Well, why can't you guys see that I just wanna be left alone?"

"Because we can't stand watching you hurt yourself"

I leaned back on the couch and sighed. "What the hell are you talking about…?"

"Kuki and Chad had been together for almost a year now and that whole time you've been nothing but miserable"

"So?"

"The point is you've been ruining yourself and every time we try to help you, youpush us away"

"That's because there is no way to help me. Not even I could help myself. I'm hopeless and I'm stuck with all this agony…"

"Then why do you bother to smoke or drink or hurt yourself?"

I turned to Nigel. The stare he gave me told me that he was satisfied with what he said. But I knew exactly what to counter it with. So Ifaced him completely and explained.

"You wanna know why I smoked? Or why I drank? Fine, I'll tell you" I explained, "It's because every time I have a cigarette, it feels like the smoke I blow out is a bit of all the flaming jealousy inside me"

Nigel stared at me. "What about the alcohol? What the hell did you get out of that?"

I shrugged at the thought of alcohol and the temptation to drink it. But still I continued, "Remember ages ago when I got so desperately jealous that I stole vodka from my parents?"

"Yeah?"

"You know why it felt good? Because the feeling of that fiery liquid gushing down my throat was the closest to how I felt whenever I saw Kuki and Chad. It was that bad, Nigel. And the more I drank, the more I felt my problems drifting away. _That _is why I loved getting drunk…"

I looked at him sharply as I made my point but he just stared back.

"So did you benefit from that?" He said, "Did it really make your problems go away or did it just make things worse?"

I stared at him. I was speechless. He was right, I didn't get anything out of drinking or smoking.

"What do you want me to do?" I said as I leaned back on the couch.

"You could tell her how you feel"

I rolled my eyes and looked at him.

"I mean it"

"What's the point...? She's dating the most perfect guy ever to walk this earth. She won't care about how I feel…"

"You never know, Walls. Besides, it's best for you to tell her rather than spend the rest of your life regretting that you didn't"

And with that, he left.

Seven days had passed and I have been thinking of what Nigel told me. And it was only now that I've come to a decision.

"Okay" Kuki served me a Coke and sat beside me. "What did you want to tell me?"

I gazed at her silently as I tried to gather up my nerves. All week I've been thinking about what Nigel told me, and here I am trying to do what he suggested.

"I…I just…" I couldn't tell her. This time it wasn't because of the picture of Chad behind her. It was simply because of my lack of courage. Besides, what will I get out of this? Nigel told me that it's better to get all this off my chest but is it really worth ruining Kuki's happiness? She's doing great and if I tell her about my feelings for her, it would just ruin her.

"Wally…?" She called causing me to snap out of my trance and look at her.

_I'd rather ruin myself than ruin you…_

"It's nothing…" I said to her, "I'll just go…"

I stood up to leave but she stopped me. "I need to talk to you" She said. I sat back down and listened attentively.

"Remember a few weeks ago when I ran into you in our front yard?" She asked me.

I felt nervous when she asked me this. "Yeah…"

"You still haven't told me what was going on with you"

I sat still, feeling tense. Even _she _was telling me to admit my emotions. "There's nothing going on with me"

"Yes there is Wally. And I don't know why you're hiding it from mebut I have to know"

"No you don't…believe me, you don't"

"So what, you're just gonna hide it from me forever?" She teased.

As I stared at her I knew that her playful smile was just a cover up for her desire to find out what the truth was. But I really can't tell her. I really can't…

"Yeah…" I whispered, "I'm gonna hide it from you forever…"

I watched her as the smiled on her face disappeared and it turned into sorrow. Not being able to stand this, I stood up to leave.

"Why won't you tell me?" She asked just before I touched the door. I stopped right there and I slowly turned to her. She asked me again, "Why are you hiding the truth from me Wally…?"

I didn't answer her. At that moment I wanted nothing more but to disappear from her sight.

"Am I nota good friend to you?" She asked me, "Don't you trust me?"

"Why wouldn't I trust you…?" I asked her.

"I don't know…but if you won't tell me then I must be doing something wrong…"

_You're not doing anything wrong…you're just being happy…And it sucks because…_

"I'm not the reason why you're happy…"

"What?" Kuki asked me.

I froze when I realized that I had said some of my thoughts aloud.

"Why would you think that? Of course you make me happy, Wally. You're one of my best friends"

Those words stabbed me like a knife in the chest.

"That's right…"I heard my voice break as I spoke, "I'm just one of your best _friends_…"

And I left.


	13. Ultimate Sorrow

_**Ultimate Sorrow**_

The day after I failed to tell Kuki about my feelings must've been the hardest day of my life. It was bad enough that I was limited to just being her friend but it was worst that she was acting like I was a stranger. All day she had been ignoring me and it was driving me mad. Everything was exactly like how it had been months ago. We were in the clubhouse, everyone was busy with his or her own interests and I was grieving in a corner.

_Please look at me…_

I begged Kuki silently as I watched her.

_It's bad enough that I can't tell you how I feel…don't make things worse…don't ignore me…don't hate me…I love you…_

As if she heard my thoughts, she looked at me for the first time this whole day. So I smiled at her as much as I can and she _tried_ to smile back. But soon that lovely moment was ended when Chad kissed her. He didn't do it to interrupt us. He didn't even know that we were looking at each other. He just kissed her for no reason like what every boyfriend does to his girlfriend. The sight of that kiss caused extreme heartache inside me and the sight of Kuki smiling and laughing after Chad kissed her was way more tormenting. I tried to avoid feeling more pain by looking away from the couple. But when my eyes ended up on Nigel, I noticed that he was looking at me. And the look he gave me told me that he was disappointed. He knew that I was going through all this agony and if I could only tell Kuki how I feel it would help me feel better even just a bit.

"Tell her" He mouthed to me and nodded towards Kuki.

I shook my head and mouthed back, "I can't…"

"Oh I have to go" I heard Chad say while he was looking at his watch.

"Where are you going?" Kuki asked him.

"I promised my dad I'd help him pick out a new car"

So he gave Kuki a kiss good bye and bade the rest of us goodbye and left. A few more moments had passed and nothing changed. The only difference was that now Kuki was all alone and I was able to watch her completely.

"Abby, Hoagie" Nigel suddenly called, "Let's go get some food in my house"

I knew that he was trying to leave Kuki and me alone. His persistence was really starting to get to my last nerve. But half of me was also thankful for what he had been doing. In just a few seconds Kuki and I were all alone in the clubhouse. I watched her quietly as she watched TV. She wouldn't look at me. A few more minutes passed by and each one seemed to last an eternity. Still she didn't turn to me. I looked down and felt sorry for myself. Because of my stupidity and cowardliness, the girl I love hated me.

"Wally" I looked up and was stunned to see that Kuki was gazing at me, "Come here and sit beside me" She patted cushion beside her. Slowly I got up and walked over to her and I quietly sat down beside her. By then things had turned upside down. She was looking directly at me yet I avoided her stare.

"I'm sorry about last night" She whispered.

"Why?" I looked at her.

"I shouldn't have been so nosy… Whatever your problem is, it's your business and I had no right to force you to tell me…"

"You were just being yourself. You're a good person and you were just looking out for me"

"I know…it's just that…the fact that you're hiding something from memakes me feel…"

I suddenly worried when I saw tears coming out of her eyes. Without hesitating, I pulled her close and held her into my arms. I wanted to punish myself for making her cry. Having her so close and hearing her sobs clearly made me hate myself. She's such a fragile person. She's so sensitive and sweet.And so delicate that I held her gently for I feared that I might break her or something.

"I just can't help but feel bad for knowing that you won't let me help you…" She cried. I trembled a bit when I heard her say this. How can she be so nice and sweet? She's so pure and she has such a beautiful soul. I couldn't help but fall for her even more.

I wanted nothing more but to stop her melancholy. I didn't care about my own sorrows. I didn't care at all. All I wanted for now was for her to feel better. When I finally looked straight into her eyes, I wiped her tears away.

"It's alright…" I told her softly, "It'll be okay"

"I'm such a baby…" She laughed a bit despite her tearful eyes.

"No you're not. Look…" I held her hand. It was painful for me to speak. "I really can't tell you what's going on with me…"

She frowned again when I said this.

"But it's for your own good. Believe me, it's better that you don't know. Just don't worry about me, okay? I'll be fine" I lied to her.

She smiled at me.

"I just want you to forget about me and focus on being happy. Don't let me ruin you, okay?"

She smiled gently at me, "Okay"

I couldn't help just sitting there. So I pulled her close and hugged her again. Part of me was happy that I was no longer her problem but another part of me was aching because I have once again ruined myself.

_I'll be fine as long as you're happy…_

Holding Kuki caused me to inhale the fragrant scent of her hair. And without knowing it, I buried my face into her ebony colored strands. I wanted that moment to last forever. I wanted to stay there inhaling the scent of her hair as I held her into my arms. Yet next thing I knew I gently pulled away from her…and I kissed her. For a very short moment it had stayed that waybut soon she pulled away. I looked at her for a moment and before she could speak I kissed her again.

"Wally…!"

I heard her call but I didn't stop kissing her.

"Wally!"

She pushed me away with all her strength and succeeded. When she stood up and backed off from me, I stood up as well. I tried to approach her but then…she slapped me. That was what got me out of my trance. For a minute I stared at her. I was shocked at what she did. Yet more shocked at what _I_ just did.

"I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" She screamed at me, "YOU KNOW THAT!"

Of all the strikes that she had hit my heart with before, this was the most painful of them all. I stood there with my eyes wide open and my whole body was numb. I immediately realized what was happening. It was an emotional breakdown. I watched the anger on her face turn into worry when she saw the tears filling my eyes. I dropped myself into the couch and leaned forward. It was starting. My hands reached up to my hair and pulled as hard as they can while my eyes shut themselves tight as they reacted to the pain.

"Wally, what's wrong?" Kuki asked me worriedly.

I ignored her and started to sway back and forth. My hands started to shake and I started to mumble. This was the worst breakdown I've ever had. I felt nothing but negative emotions and it was as if my chest was going to explode. Inside me was a combination of extreme misery, desperation, anger and pain. I didn't know how I could handle it.

"What's wrong?" Kuki asked me again. The moment I felt her hand on my shoulder I didn't care about anything else but to get away. So I slapped her arm away as strong as I could and I knew it shocked her. But I didn't care. All I wanted was to get away from her so I stood up and ran out of the clubhouse. I passed Nigel, Abby and Hoagie when I was on my way out. They asked me what was wrong but I just continued to run away until I was gone from their sight.


	14. Truth

_**Truth**_

I listened to the phone ring without bothering to pick it up. I waited for the machine to answer.

"Hey Walls, it's been three weeks" Hoagie said in the voicemail, "We still don't understand what happened with you and Kuki in the clubhouse but we'd appreciate it if you stop avoiding us and just show up. You're being an ass, you know. Well…that's all…bye…"

And he hung up.

"I can't see you guys…" I whispered, "I can't see Kuki…"

Twenty-one days of misery had passed since the day I had a breakdown in front of Kuki. These past few weeks were torture. I couldn't help but think back to what she said to me.

"I have a boyfriend! You know that!" I remember her shouting.

It was painful to remember…and what's worse to know is that she screamed those words to me right after I kissed her. Didn't she feel anything at all after I kissed her? I sighed sadly and rolled over to my side.

"I miss Joey…" I said softly, "If only he was around I wouldn't be thinking about all this…"

The emptiness of the house caused a thick silence to devour me. I was all alone. My dad was at work, my mom was with her friends and Joey had karate lessons. So here I am left to cry over the girl that I love. I took a wisp on the cigarette I was holding. I knew that I was smoking too much already but what was I to do? Smoking was the closest thing to making me feel better. It was the only option that I had.

"…Other than drinking…" I said when I discovered my other option. I aimed my eyes on a brown door beyond the dining room and gulped for I was mesmerized to go through it. I looked away and fought the temptation.

_Just one can…no…one can will do a lot of things…bad things…but it's just one…_

I punched the couch angrily. I hated this feeling.

_I can't go through that door. I can't... It'll ruin me… There are other ways to feel better right…?_

I searched my mind for any method of feeling better. Nothing came up. All I could think of was Kuki defending herself from me for the sake of Chad. That thought angered and pained me so much that before I knew it, I gave in to temptation. I ran to a closet close by and searched for my dad's toolbox. Right away I found the screwdriver and used it to unlock the brown door. The moment I stepped inside I felt a combination of guilt, fear and relief. The guilt was for giving in to temptation, the fear was for the conflicts that lie ahead of me and the relief was the thought of feeling better. I scanned my father's private bar. Everywhere I looked there was alcohol. I didn't know what to do next. Should I take a step back and stick to my emotional torments, or should I take a step forward and do things that I'll probably regret later on? Once again I looked around and thought about it._ Don't do it…it's not worth it...you're an alcoholic…you can't drink…_

"That's right…" I said to myself, "I'm an alcoholic…"

I walked through the dark, cold streets drowsily with the vodka in my hand. I just left my house after a fight with my parents.

_They shouldn't have tried to stop me from drinking…_

It was nighttime already and I've been drinking all day. By then everything was a blur. I wasn't even sure where was going and I could hardly balance myself. I was drunk. Somewhere inside me I felt guilty for breaking my promises to my family and myself but I couldn't help it. I was on the verge of beating myself up just to get rid of the painful feelings that I had. That's why I started drinking again. It was a better choice.

I took another gulp of the alcohol and leaned on a tree to rest. I rubbed my eyes because I was tired…so tired…

"Wally?" I turned sharply to my right and was shocked to find Kuki standing there. It turns out that the tree that I was leaning on is the maple tree on her front yard.

"Oh god…" I said and I tried to flee from her.

"Where are you going?" She demanded.

I didn't answer her. I just tried to run away but my drowsiness was slowing me down.

"Wally, everyone is looking for you. You're parents called and they are worried sick!"

"Get away from me" I told her as I tried to get away.

"Come on, let me take you home" She took my arm.

"Haven't you learned anything!" I shouted at her and it shocked her. "Don't mess with me when I'm drunk or angry or whatever. I've already hurt you once or twice when you interfered with me. Believe me, you don't want to mess with me again" I threatened her. And yet she showed no sign of fear. I turned around and continued to walk away.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" She asked me suddenly.

"Just get away from me, Kuki…"

"I can't, Wally!" I heard her following me, "I can't stand here and watch you walk away being a mess. I'm not gonna let that happen! You're gonna kill yourself if you keep drinking!"

"WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!" I turned and yelled at her, "If I'm sober, I'd rather kill myself anyway!"

And once again I continued to walk away.

"You're stupid, Wally…" She said from behind me.

I stopped walking and took a deep breath. I was getting furious. "You wanna know what stupid is, Kuki?" I turned to her and approached her slowly. "Stupid is when you're oblivious to all the things are thrown right at your face. Stupid is when you're blind to all the things people show you. Stupid is when you're dumb enough to not understand what people are telling you" I leaned over to make my face close to hers and looked directly into her eyes despite my drunkenness. "All this time you've been asking me what was wrong and I've told you everything not through words but through my actions. And yet the whole time you were blind and stupid about it. Don't you dare call me stupid, Kuki. Because if either one of us is stupid, it's _you_"

I took another dose of the vodka and walked away.

"Wally, you have to stop this…" Kuki called from behind me, "Please? Do it for me…"

"For you? Do it for you?" I turned to her, "What about this? Don't you think _this_ is for you?" I lifted the vodka bottle and showed it to her. After that I threw it angrily at a tree nearby and saw Kuki gasp at the sight and sound of it smashing. "Believe me, I've done _enough_ for you…"

She stood there silently and stared at me. As I looked into her eyes I saw not a single hint of fear but I saw every ounce of pain and disbelief. Still, I ignored those eyes and continued to walk away.

"Wally…" She called me in a broken voice.

I turned to her in annoyance and watched her as she spoke.

"I still don't know what's wrong, okay? Yes, I guess I _am_ stupid…And if I am stupid then you're gonna have to help me understand…"

My rage lessened as I witnessed her crying.

"Please just _tell_ me…"

I felt weak as I watched her bow her head to cry. It hurt to see her like that. So I slowly approached her and held her cheeks. I lifted her head and I finally told her everything.

"You kissed me once but you were just dreaming…I kissed you but you pushed me away…Not only that, you found someone perfect and I turned invisible to you…That's the reason why I'm hurting myself…that's what I've been trying to tell you…"

I kept my eyes staring deeply into hers and I saw the confusion in them disappear. She finally understood. Without a word from both of us, I silently pressed my lips against hers. When I pulled away, I finally told her.

"I love you"

And I left her.


	15. The Fine Line

_**The Fine Line**_

I lay miserably on my side on my bed staring out the window. The sunlight from outside was blinding me yet I kept staring. I felt nothing but a combination of headaches, heartaches and unhappiness.

My mind gathered up all its strength to recall that night two days ago but no matter how much I tried, no matter how much determination I had, I was left with nothing but a vague memory of a fight and the image of Kuki.

_I ran into her that night…I remember that…_

I shut my eyes and tried to recall even more. And all I saw was a blurry image of her crying and begging.

_What did I say to her? What happened?_

Again I tried to think back to that night and all of a sudden, I found myself touching my lips. My eyes grew wide as I heard my own words ring in my ears. "I love you"

_I told her…I know I did…but I don't feel any different…_

It's true. I didn't feel different at all. I'm not sure whether I _did_ tell her how I feelor notbut I don't feel any different.

_Nigel said I would feel different…I don't feel anything…maybe I didn't tell her…_

After a few moments of silence and relaxation I suddenly discovered something that I've neglected for the past two days. It was a gentle feeling deep down inside that gradually revealed itself. Little by little, I felt…relieved…

Suddenly, the sound of knocking upon wood sliced through the dull silence that surrounded me and I saw the door open on the corner of my eye. Before I knew it, Joey was right in front of me.

"Wally, let's go to the ice cream shop" He whispered and leaned over until his noise was an inch from mine.

"I don't feel like doing that, Joey…" I replied.

"Then let's just play in the back yard"

"I'm too tired…"

Before Joey could reply, the door squeaked and opened to reveal my mother.

"Go downstairs and play, Joey" She said, "Wally can't play right now"

Joey left leaving the room empty except for my mum and me. I stayed motionless and continued staring out the window as she sat on my bedside.

"How are you doing?" She ran a hand through my hair.

I turned my eyes from the window to her, "I've been better…"

"Want me to bring you anything?"

"…Cigarettes…vodka…"

"Oh Wally…"

"Can't I have just a bit…?"

"No Wally. It's not good for you. Especially after what happened two days ago"

"I'll control myself this time, I promise"

"I still can't let you drink or smoke"

I looked away from my own mother and went back to staring out the window.

"Are you ready to tell me who this girl is?" She smiled.

I looked at her again. I didn't show it but I was truly amazed at her cleverness.

"I think it's time that you tell me"

"I don't feel like talking about her…"

"But she's the reason why you smoked and drank, isn't she?"

I stared at her for a while before nodding.

"Don't worry…things will work out soon"

_Why does everybody keep saying that? Can't they see that things don't work out at all? Nothing does…_

As I thought about it, I watched mom smile sweetly. And she said, "You know what would make you feel better?"

"…What…?"

"Fresh air. Why don't you go to the backyard and relax there?"

"I have enough fresh air in here" I nodded towards my window.

"That's not enough, Wally. Come on" She urged me to get off my bed and I followed.

I kept my eyes straight down on the ground as my mom led me through the house.

"Mum…I'd rather stay in bed…" I mumbled.

"Oh shush, Wally. You'll find everything you need in the backyard. Don't worry"

I sighed as she continued to lead me and soon we were out the back door. When I stepped into our cool, breezy backyard, I closed my eyes for a second due to the brightness of the sunlight. And when I opened them I thought I was hallucinating. There on one of the beach chairs aligned around our sandbox sat Kuki. And she waved gently at me with subtle smile. I turned to my mom, letting her know that I was shocked, but she just smiled back at me.

"I told you I had a good _mother's intellect_" She smiled and gave me a kiss on the temple before going back into the house.

I took me a while before I turned back to Kuki. When I did, she shyly looked away then back at me. Realizing that I couldn't go back into the house, I just approached her slowly and I awkwardly sat by her side. Both of us avoided each other's eyes.

"What are you doing here…?" I finally asked her.

"I came to talk to you" She said softly.

"Look, whatever I did two nights ago...I'm sorry…"

"Why are you sorry…?"

"I must've hurt you…I don't remember much but…the only things I can recall…they're too unlikely to have happened"

"You mean it's unlikely that you kissed me?"

I didn't reply.

"Or that you told me everything? The truth?"

I sat motionless and whispered, "What do you want me to say…?"

"I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to listen"

I still stared straight ahead but I did as I was told. I listened.

Kuki sighed for a minute before reciting, "You kissed me once but you were just dreaming…I kissed you but you pushed me away…Not only that, you found someone perfect and I turned invisible to you…"

I shivered as I recognized those words. The sound of my voice saying them that night when I was drunk suddenly came back to me.

"First of all…" Kuki sighed hesitantly, "I wasn't dreaming that night…"

Before I knew it, I was looking directly at her even though she didn't' look back.

"That night when we were fourteen…I wasn't dreaming when I kissed you…"

I still didn't speak despite the fact that I was shocked.

"I really _did_ wake up and I _did_ kiss you on purpose because I really liked you. I just didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think I'm weird"

I continued to stare at her as she continued to explain.

"And a few weeks ago when you kissed me, I pushed away because I was shocked. I lost myself for a minute and I didn't know what to do…you know me…I'm pretty dumb especially when I'm shocked…" She tried to laugh.

Still, I continued to listen.

"And finally…I just want you to know that…I broke up with Chad…"

It was then that I spoke. "No…!" I said.

"What?"

"This is what I was afraid of. You can't brake up with him. You're happy with him. Kuki, don't let me ruin you. Please…"

"Wally, I didn't break up with him. He and I broke with each other"

"What...?"

"Everybody knows that he's perfect…but this whole time that I was with him, it didn't feel right for me" Finally, she looked at me again, "I wanted to be with _you_"

"What do you mean…?"

"You never turned invisible to me, Wally. It's the exact opposite of that. I was with Chad but I saw only you. And remember that night that I laughed at you when I found out that you were dating Mushi?" She said, "When I got upstairs, I started to cry because I love you so much and it was painful to see you with someone else. The only reason why I dated Chad was because I thought you didn't want me…I thought I was just a _friend_ to you…"

As I looked into her eyes I saw every bit of honesty in them and I truly believed her.

"You mean to tell me…" I said to her, "That this whole time…we were never really friends…?"

"I guess so…" She said softly to me.

The next thing that happened was stranger than anything that happened before. She and I laughed. We didn't laugh too much but we laughed.. Finally, we looked at each other and smiled. And we leaned towards each other and kissed. Neither of us was dreaming, neither of us pushed away and neither of us was invisible. From then on, we were no longer friends. We were lovers.

_**The End**_

_**There is an alternative ending/continuation called Complications of Life and Love**_


End file.
